I think my doubting the goodness of God reveals my own sinfulness more than anything else.
At some level, my sub-conscious definition of good is to be stable, have everything I think I need: good health, friends around me, food on the table always, extra money in the bank, etc… basically have nothing bad happen: no leaving friends, no pain in life, perfect health… Of course these things are good!
But to doubt God’s goodness when I don’t have these things… Is my definition of goodness so limited? What makes me so special that I should think I am somehow entitled to exemption from the effects of sin in the world and in my own life? Is God so small that he is not able to take what is definitely not good and bring out of it something even better?
God is able to make all things work together for good for those who love him. It’s the cherished promise from Rom 8:28 for almost every believer. I’ve seen it at work in my own life. Everyday I see more and more clearly how from the mistakes, pains, and sorrows of the previous years God is bringing good. Why do I still doubt?
George Mueller once said that if God were to take something good from him, it would only be to give him something better. The difficulty in believing in a sovereign almighty God is you have to believe he can allow these bad things to happen and even worse! But it’s equally true that he can use these awful things to bring goodness beyond anything imaginable! Yet somehow, it’s easier to believe and be afraid of the former than have faith and find joy in the latter.
Oh how small is my faith!! For now, everything within me cries out like the father of the sick girl: “Lord, help my unbelief!”
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