September 24, 2009 • 6:00 pm
Home they brought her warrior dead:
She nor swooned, nor uttered cry:
All her maidens, watching, said,
‘She must weep or she will die.’
Then they praised him, soft and low,
Called him worthy to be loved,
Truest friend and noblest foe;
Yet she neither spoke nor moved.
Stole a maiden from her place,
Lightly to the warrior stepped,
Took the face-cloth from the face;
Yet she neither moved nor wept.
Rose a nurse of ninety years,
Set his child upon her knee—
Like summer tempest came her tears—
‘Sweet my child, I live for thee.’
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
… and you’re left wishing the tears would come and give you some relief.
Filed under: Life, Sadness , death, hurt, tears, tennyson
September 10, 2009 • 4:42 pm
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
–Reinhold Niebuhr
Filed under: Christianity, Life , prayer
In a recent journey of self-exploration, I began to uncover at least one negative impulses that tempts me to give up on life and on trying to do things right again: the fear of failure, the fear that no matter how many times I try, I may never get it right.
In truth, it’s a pretty lame fear to base actions on. The fear of death or injury are definitely fears on which to base actions on because the consequences of death or injury are in and of themselves painful. But I see no reason for failure to be painful in and of itself. Failure seems to be nothing more than a state of not having succeeded at a particular endeavor.
One may argue that failure would mean that the time/energy/money you invested in the endeavor have gone to no use. However, rarely do we find that the time/energy/money invested in an endeavor has gone to absolutely no use. It is true that it may not have contributed to the endeavor to which we invested it, but it in all probability may have contributed positively to some other positive endeavor to which we did not originally intend.
Makes me think of Edison remarks. On being discouraged by an assistant from trying further to find a suitable element for the light-bulb filament after 500 trials, Edison remarked that rather than having 500 failed experiments, they now had 500 experiments that proved conclusively which elements would not work.
What if the only investments required are some more focus, energy, and time, all of which you have at your disposal at present? I have these at my disposal right now. If I succumb to the fear again, I know that I will get no where. But if I try again, I may at least stand the chance of succeeding. So what will it be? Sure failure, or another possibility however small of getting it right this time? I’ll take the latter.
Filed under: Life, Personal Development , edison, failure, fear, success
Life seems to be coming apart at the seams. How does one go about getting back on one’s feet?
1. Start with identifying all the areas in life where you think you’re in trouble. List them out.
In my case that would be every single area of my life. My professional/work life is in shambles; I’ve fallen far behind on my projects. My social/relational life is deteriorating; many calls and emails I haven’t responded to. My spiritual life is in the pits; I haven’t spent time in prayer or devotion. Finances are out of control. Have I forgotten anything?
2. Take time with each trouble area to identify specific tasks that can be accomplished to improve the overall situation in that area. If specific tasks are too much detail, identify general task sets.
I know and can identify what specific tasks I am falling behind on in my projects at work. I know which emails/calls are too late to respond to and which ones are still worth making to salvage the relationship. I know what I need to do to get a proper perspective on my finances.
3. Prioritize and set deadlines for these tasks
4. Identify the triggers that caused the downward spirals in each of the trouble areas.
5. Come up with a plan to deal with these triggers.
I’ve found that just identifying what needs to be done is enough to bring a sense of order to the chaos of life. But without taking the time to think of how you go into trouble in the first place, you’re doomed to get back into trouble all over again.
Filed under: Life, Personal Development , recovering
There are plenty of areas on my life I know where I need to change, work on, and grow. But something seems to be holding me back.
Part of it could be simple psychological inertia (I’ve been in the state of ‘rock-bottom’ for quite a while and the natural tendency is to remain in that state). Part of it is fear that I will fail again. After all, it isn’t the first time that I’ve tried to change and better myself, and all I can remember from such trials in the past are failures.
Part of it is also the feeling that the changes I want in my life are so many and so radical that it would be almost pointless trying to change; the feeling that I won’t see any return on my investment of time and energy into improvement any time soon.
Now I could spend some time trying to reason with myself and prove to myself that none of these things that are holding me back are legitimate reasons, but I find that I don’t have to. Just bringing them into the open seems to have stripped them of their powers to thwart me.
And above all, the Lord is willing that I should change; He gave His life on the cross to empower me to change and live for His glory. However that realization had till now been clouded by my supposed stumbling blocks.
So here’s a suggestion for anyone trying to change something in their lives and finding themselves hesitating to do what they know is right. Take a moment to think and write down what it is that is holding you back. If you need to, reason with yourself and write down your reasoning. Talk with someone about your hesitations. Bringing your doubts fears and stumbling blocks into the light strips them of their power over you. And above all, pray.
Filed under: Life, Personal Development , change, failure, fear, growth, inertia
The presence of God is what I most want in life. But in a way, it is also the last thing in the world that I want.
Having had a glimpse of God, his desirability above all things, his forgiveness… I know that I cannot live life without being in the closest possible communion with God. However, having sinned willfully, acted against the dictates of my God-given conscience, the presence of a holy God closely examining my life is the last thing in the world I want.
Yes, I know that God is willing to forgive me in Christ if I will only repent. I don’t for a moment question the promises of God, and the willingness of God to forgive. I question my own repentance. If I sin seemingly without hesitation in the same way for which I have just asked for forgiveness and seemingly repented, was my repentance genuine?
There is however one thing in which I take hope. I’ve been examining myself carefully. I know in the past I’ve wanted freedom from sin because I primarily wanted freedom from guilt. Right now, I don’t think I’m motivated that way anymore. I don’t want to continue in any sin because I want to be close to God, and my sins are preventing me from this, ruining my communion with God. Perhaps this is a sign, of the Spirit’s work in me, a small glimmer of hope that God has not given up on me yet.
True repentance can only be granted by God. The desire for repentance also comes from God.
Filed under: Christianity, Life , forgiveness, guilt, repentance
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